Taking A Beat

Taking A Beat

 

The birds are chirping. I should actually say, the birds are fighting with each other, but that doesn’t have such a peaceful, eloquent undertone to it, does it? Nobody likes tension. They just like noise. I am basking in the sound of birds and the typing of the keyboard, but trying to stay as quiet as I can because I like quiet.

Silence scares a lot of people. Oh, they say they will like the peaceful quiet of a calm afternoon, but give them just that and a few minutes in, they will be talking someone’s ear off to fill the silence. Or worse, be left with their own thoughts. I wonder if that’s why I’m writing this… to get my thoughts on “paper” so someone might see them.

Okay… yep… I lied. I told myself that I was okay with myself, but the truth is, I’m not, and I guess I just have to be okay with that. Taking a beat, taking a moment, stepping into the peace for as long as you can handle it is enough. Why am I always searching for enough… Am I good enough. Do I work hard enough. Etc. Etc. It’s always about enough. But will we ever be enough when enough is never enough? What even is enough?

I ask that from curiosity instead of anger this time. What is “enough” when we keep changing the bar, and it’s a subjective word in the first place, yet we use that as our standard? You see, I want to be curious instead of angry or walled off. I just started opening myself up again to fun and new experiences, and I don’t want to let fear or anger or anything else just put me back in that fenced in position again.

So maybe next time you tell yourself “I am good enough,” leave out the “enough.” I am good. I am strong. I am smart. Enough with enough.

And remember to take a beat for yourself.

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