Through the Rain

Like Brushing Your Teeth But For Dreaming On a much lighter note, with Christmas coming up, I’m sure we are all having a little more trouble sleeping. It just so happens that the next day in Partial Hospitalization, they covered sleep hygiene. It’s kind of like it sounds, tricks to help you sleep better. Unfortunately I was still in and out for some of this, but they did send me the notes! I am eager to share with you what I learned and how I utterly failed to put it into practice, but mostly what I learned! Most importantly, consistency is key. Kids have a set bedtime. A lot of adults don’t quite have an exact bedtime. But lay down in that bed for sleepy time (and sexy time) only, and at the same time each night, and your body is trained “oh, time to shut down!” Even before learning about it, my body would naturally start shutting down around 7pm. I know, snooze fest I am, but with depression and anxiety using up every ounce of strength my body has, it needed as much sleep as I could ...

Brushes With Suicidal Depression Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self-harm I know what you’re thinking. It’s around Christmas time. Write about something cheerful. I think this time, more than ever, it’s important to address this issue. It both happens to fall in line with the timeline of what I am writing about in Partial Hospitalization, and something we all need to remember. The first couple days of PHP, they give you an intake into what’s been going on in life. I will try to explain as much of the pertinent background to the stories as I can so it makes sense as I am going along so you can easily read this, since I haven’t fleshed out a full history of my life yet, and I am so sorry about that. My life has been… complicated. So they got to the generic questions about depression and suicide. Have you ever thought about hurting yourself or anyone else? Yes, myself. Have you ever harmed yourself?                ...

The Circle of My Identity I wondered what this blog post would be about. I figured after Partial Hospitalization that I would dig deep into my past and try to heal the traumatic moments, or at least see them from a different perspective, and that perspective was that my dad was a narcissist. Turns out it didn’t end well. I sent them to him, and he had stuff to do before he wanted to read “a downer” because he knows he and I don’t get along. He knows we don’t see things eye to eye and remembers things differently. I wonder why that is… Anyways, I want to heal and grow. So I’m going to start at the start of PHP and work through some of what we worked at and see if I can gain deeper appreciation and insight on my own through what we went through. The first day I was there, we talked about identity and what makes up our identity. It was rough for me since I always saw my identity growing up as this giving, spirited child turned into this intelligent kid at school and at church. And that’s ...