Pain

Pain

 

We all talk about bringing ourselves into the present moment and experiencing the present moment better. Well, nothing brings us into the present like pain. I mean, we aren’t really experiencing the present, but we are living in it. Every single millisecond of it.

I’ve had toothache pain that’s been growing. Wednesday I left at 9:30am because I couldn’t concentrate. The pain in my tooth was like a raw nerve was exposed and being jackhammered on. I went home and looked to see if what dental insurance we had. Fortunately after a while my husband joined me and helped me find the information I needed to make an emergency dental appointment. I went, and they said they couldn’t take the teeth out themselves. I would have to make a consult with the surgeon, and the surgeon was closed for the day. They prescribed antibiotics, and over an hour after my appointment ended, the prescription finally made its way to my cute little pharmacy a couple miles away so I could get my pain reliever and antibiotic. I had to call them twice. They didn’t pick up the second or third time I called them.

Anyways, thinking that it was finally underway, I went to work the next day even though I was in the same situation as the day before. I made it through most of the day knowing that I could speak to an HR rep after lunch and ask about my situation. Assured I most likely wouldn’t lose my job over having to have emergency surgery, and that if I needed to take the rest of the day off, take it, I did. I just needed permission. My supervisor was on lunch. The director said “of course” because she did a training earlier and saw the look of me and how bad I was…

I was not feeling any better the next day so I called off. It’s so hard to think about PTO when you’re literally thinking about trying to survive the next minute. And honestly, it’s gone back and forth. There have been minutes where I could laugh with Paul. There have been minutes where I am NOT gritting my teeth but internally screaming and tensing every muscle in my body because of the pain. And most moments lean towards the latter. I take pain well, or at least I have learned to live with it. I don’t think people have seen that and know that.

Have you ever wanted to lose your mind with pain and nod off to sleep at the same time because you’re so tired? That’s where I am most of these past few days. I’ve been up for an hour, down for two, up for an hour, down for two. My face is swollen and sagging. I feel hideous and in pain. I don’t care, but I should. I wish I could cry.

So that’s pain. For me right now. What pain have you been in?

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