Through the Rain

Burnout When I first found out I was autistic, I was so excited! I had missing information I needed to fill in the gaps of who I was. But there was so much work to do that it was kind of overwhelming to think about. Plus I got a phone call from work about things to do before the start date, so I started working on that stuff. My “stress-less life” is coming to a close. I’m ready to tackle the next big thing…or at least I thought I was. Since receiving the diagnosis, I’ve had a sort of paralysis in doing anything, getting out of bed, making decisions, even forcing myself to eat. It’s not easy to admit, but it happens sometimes. It’s a problem with executive dysfunction. I talked to my psychologist, and she said to simplify my choices, make it easier on myself, try to schedule when I do things so I can motivate myself to do things during a certain time, etc. A couple days ago, I started getting sleepy and not wanting to talk to people as much. It started Thursday when I had a hang out wi...

A Surprise Diagnosis I thought everyone felt as alone and cut off as I did. I thought all the introverts felt as exhausted by social interactions as I did, even though I really enjoy one on one time with people I know. Getting to know people has become a new pastime I really enjoy! But I was “sure” I understood people better simply because I understood the loneliness that came from feeling like an island. Until recently, I thought I was just “a poet” or some other excuse as to why I felt emotions so deeply. Because I was so sensitive, I could help others be sensitive to their emotions. I was diagnosed with autism Thursday, March 20, 2025. Since you don’t contract autism, I’ve had it all my life, I just never “knew” I had it until people over the years, especially recently, pointed out that I was probably on the spectrum. I don’t know what made it apparent that I was on the spectrum, just like I don’t know what made it apparent to others that I was gay, but here I am! I thought that the...

Suspended I have been watching Hannah Gadbsy’s stand-up special’s “Nanette” and “Douglas” over and over for the past several weeks at least every other day. Watching “Nanette” today without the background noise of my phone or other devices really put into perspective why I have been so focused on those. Firstly, I think it brings comfort to my anxiety doing the same things over and over again. I’ve had major anxiety over finding a job, and I finally got the job offer!!! I will be starting a new job April 14th in the social work field helping families get childcare subsidies!!! Now I have anxiety until I start that job. The next reason I think I like it so much is that I think I might have autism, which is mentioned all the way throughout “Douglas.” A lot of what Hannah mentions I relate to. It makes me feel seen and connected in a way I’ve never felt before. Most of all, watching “Nanette” again, Hannah talks about being stuck in their trauma point. I feel for a long time like I have b...

Social Media Addiction Here it is. We all knew that sooner or later I would talk about the dangers of social media and how bad it is for you, even though I will probably post a link to this on Facebook and keep looking at my phone every minute or less. I’m watching “The Social Dilemma” on Netflix because after days of watching my favorite comedians over and over, I must turn to a documentary. It took a long time for me to post a next blog post because I had a job interview on Monday. I think it went well. They said HR would be in touch, but of course they didn’t know exactly when. I spent the entire week paralyzed by depression and anxiety because I didn’t know if the phone call was coming or when or if it would happen this week. So I scrolled Facebook. I messaged friends. I watched the same comedy over and over. I had to force myself out of bed, force myself to eat, force myself to act like everything was normal when in reality I just wanted time to shut down until the phone call. “Th...

Worth in Doing Nothing Usually there is a story or a nexus that happens that leads me to a blog post, but this time it’s just several thoughts swirling together, so I hope that’s alright with you. I recently told a friend who said he was bored that it was okay to be bored. In the United States, it seems like boredom has become an unacceptable pastime. I hesitate to refer to the past as being better, because we always strive towards progression and change for the betterment of society, but I think we just need to be bored sometimes. Put away our phones, our laptops, our TVs, everything, and just be. I’ve been trying to do this in my own life, and it has been a struggle. Two minutes in, and I’m looking at my phone, turning on the TV, and/or looking at my husband’s chair as he’s gaming. I need alone time, yet I don’t know what to do with it to recharge my batteries just yet. I have started talking to friends and encouraging them. There is nothing inherently wrong in doing so, but it turns...

Free Speech I haven’t been one for politics until recently. I grew up in a staunchly conservative household and believed what I was told. During the Bush era, I thought Bush was the greatest thing ever. During the Obama era, I thought he would bring about the end of the world. Then I moved states, and with it saw different viewpoints. I was not in a conservative bubble anymore. I didn’t fully lean liberal, but I saw that the views of helping your fellow man which I learned even in the conservative bubble took on a different meaning to those with liberal beliefs. Instead of individuals and communities stepping up and doing the job of helping the homeless, the needy, those who just needed anything, they were too busy being scared living paycheck to paycheck themselves, or worse, afraid for their future; pouring into a retirement fund as much as possible so they could either retire early or make sure they had enough to live on when they retired and/or pass along to their children. I’m not...