A New Diagnosis

A Surprise Diagnosis


I thought everyone felt as alone and cut off as I did. I thought all the introverts felt as exhausted by social interactions as I did, even though I really enjoy one on one time with people I know. Getting to know people has become a new pastime I really enjoy! But I was “sure” I understood people better simply because I understood the loneliness that came from feeling like an island. Until recently, I thought I was just “a poet” or some other excuse as to why I felt emotions so deeply. Because I was so sensitive, I could help others be sensitive to their emotions.

I was diagnosed with autism Thursday, March 20, 2025. Since you don’t contract autism, I’ve had it all my life, I just never “knew” I had it until people over the years, especially recently, pointed out that I was probably on the spectrum. I don’t know what made it apparent that I was on the spectrum, just like I don’t know what made it apparent to others that I was gay, but here I am! I thought that the being gay was the answer to why I felt so isolated and different from everyone else, but that never answered several questions that kept popping up.

I know what sarcasm is. I studied sarcasm and for a while considered myself an expert in using sarcasm. But there came a time when I was so blunt, so hateful towards others, and so bullying and yet trying to stop it that I didn’t know whether or not I was actually being sarcastic or not. To this day, someone is sarcastic to me, and I understand that they are being sarcastic to me. I try to use sarcasm back, or I answer truthfully. Either way, there is a halfway chance that their answer is going to be “I was being sarcastic.” So I know they are being sarcastic, I reply, and my answer is lost in translation somehow. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Either way, I have to study this more.

If someone comes to you with news of a diagnosis and you don’t know how to handle it, I would suggest throwing it back at them. Replying “how do you feel about it” gives the person a chance to voice how they feel and possibly how they want you to feel as their friend. I received a lot of “it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You’re still the same Mark to me” which I felt conflicted about, because I was excited about this news and felt like it did change the way I felt about MYSELF, but after explaining it and why I felt that way, they were on board. I had a few “You aren’t autistic Mark, you are just Mark” which is not how you go about doing it. Sorry, neurotypicals, but no. You don’t get to say which terminology a person gets to use to describe themselves. Only the person does, and saying that we aren’t autistic or diminishing it or stigmatizing the label autistic after I excitedly share the news that I am autistic with you is not being a friend and an ally. It is being ableist. I had a couple “yay”s and a couple “yay?”s which are really good! Again, if you’re not sure, read into it and don’t be afraid to ASK! It’s their news, and even though it may not feel to YOU like good news, to them it may feel like a relief to put a label on it to explain years of unresolved questions and problems that had no solutions or answers!

All my autistic friends, diagnosed or self-diagnosed were fully supportive of me! I’ve had a lot of questions since then about how to get officially diagnosed. I did it through one of several online providers. There seem to be more and more each day popping up and taking insurance! It all worked out because I went through dozens of places asking how long it would take, and they said months, but this online place took days to set up and go through the process. Even though late diagnosed autism is still a new and ever-growing field, they are keeping up with it, and through assessments from both childhood through adulthood are able to determine if you fit the criteria for autism. I fit and should be getting a comprehensive report any day now with possible accommodations and a list of resources. Just being able to see what possible accommodations are out there for people with autism would help me know what to ask for and hopefully make my job a lot less stressful in the future. I’ve been through burnout after burnout, and I think it’s because I didn’t know myself enough. I’m learning more about myself daily, but autistic burnout might be a reason why I get more tired than everyone else every single day.

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