Personal Victories

Personal Victories


I had a couple personal victories today that I felt proud of myself for, but I didn’t feel like writing tonight, so I guess that’s three victories for me! I don’t know why writing has become more difficult lately, but I think it’s because I’m less desperate for needing to trauma process and more hiding that part of myself for now. Perhaps I have worked on it for too long that I have exhausted myself out. I think it’s a combination that I have handled the easier trauma and that I am now at the questions that I don’t want to ask myself, so I am avoiding them. My mind is even mostly hiding the questions from me. I know they are there. I just don’t want to dig deep into questions that hold myself accountable just yet.

Today I built a desk by myself! With the encouragement of my husband, I purchased a desk and chair so I can have a space for myself to do my blogging, perhaps reading, and letter writing besides on the kitchen table. The table can hopefully now be used for all four spots, and we can now have our much cleaner, minimalist-looking kitchen tidied up for company of one to two people over. We haven’t really had guests over for long periods of time other than his family, and we mostly stayed out of the kitchen, but now we have seating for four again, and soon the table will be cleared off to have room for place settings for all four! I’m excited!

My favorite thing about minimalism I think has to be coinciding with my OCD that everything has a place. Finding a place for everything has been challenging. Spots have changed, and fortunately I have mostly been keeping track of where everything is at one given time. I just have been trying to make room for where things go as appliances change in the kitchen as to what we use vs what we don’t use, what goes in the “to be stored until we need it” part of the closet” vs the “to be donated if we don’t use it in X amount of time”. I’m still working out several things, but we have finally made steps towards getting things out of the house, and I am SO EXCITED about that! My husband thinks we have one more donation trip to do, but I will try to do all the rest besides the electronic recycling and perhaps the books, which I cannot do via bus.

The other personal victory which I have been dreading for a long time was a difficult conversation with a friend who has been negative in his conversations all the time. I mean, it didn’t change, and I only gave him a couple weeks to try to change, but it’s been months of me telling him about my personal growth towards trying to be positive and surrounding myself with affirmation and positivity and looking on the bright side of things and silver linings, and he tried it in one or two conversations. But every time I would have a conversation with him, it would always be about how his life isn’t going well. And I get it. For a very, very long time my life wasn’t going well. And I’ve spent years being negative, but the last couple years I’ve seen what both negativity and toxic positivity can do to people, and I don’t want a part in either! I need realistic, my brain can believe it, neurons can start firing different pathways, positive thoughts about myself and situations I am in so that I don’t get as anxious and I don’t become negative so that nothing makes me happy, but not to the point where I believe that anything I think positively enough will happen, because that’s just some privilege. The universe does not work that way.

Anyway, instead of cutting off the friendship altogether which is what I was going to do, I kept getting videos and reading about growth and people changing. I guess that changed my mind enough to say put a pause on the friendship, allow time for change on both sides, and see where we end up. I feel so much better about that than ending another friendship! I’ve ended too many friendships prematurely recently I think, and I tried to do the right thing and failed at it. I admit it. Unfriending instead of unfollowing some of those people on Facebook was probably wrong. I wish I could take some of them back. But it’s too late. I have to learn from my mistakes and not allow them to happen again.

Are there any mistakes you have made recently that you wish you could take back?

What personal victories are you proud of today?

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