Tea Made with Love/ I Mean Homophobia

Excellent Tea (Terms and Conditions May Apply)

It’s taken me a few days to write this. I got the idea, and instead of plopping on my computer and typing it all out in an hour like I usually do, this one had to marinate. I think I have to do it because it hurts more. I need to feel the pain of this loss, and I have. Unlike the friend I posted about earlier who I had a disagreement with and was unfriended by, this friendship was forged by years of secrets, prayers, brotherhood, and then snip, just gone.

I grew up interested in languages. I didn’t have much to say at the time, but I thought that’s what the Bible was for! Looking for colleges, I thought American Sign Language would be my dream choice. Any person could get into Spanish or French or whatever other language, but ASL to a small-town boy in Missouri was hitting it the big-time! And there happened to be ONE college in Missouri that taught it as a major. You might be surprised at this, but last I checked, there were less colleges that offered ASL as a major than there were states in the US, so having one in Missouri was a blessing in disguise. I applied to two Christian colleges and a community college within an hour from my home, and applied to William Woods University, the private ASL university with ASL Studies and English/ASL Interpreting degrees (and horse degrees, but I wasn’t interested in horses, but that’s an ongoing saga) on the off chance that I could get in. Not only did I get into all the schools, but looking at the bottom line, the private school offered the best scholarship with the cheapest bottom-line cost, even though it was the most expensive! I couldn’t believe my luck! I was going for ASL (and Spanish)!!!

I believe it was the orientation where I met him. It wasn’t hard to spot him. There were thirty women and three guys total in the class. Me, conservative Christian; another guy, gages, tattoos, scariest first impression to a Christian from a small town but the best guy once you got to know him; and this guy, curly hair, brightest smile ever, wanted to be a missionary specifically to the Deaf community. How could I not be friends with him??? I said I also wanted to be a missionary and fell in love with ASL, and we immediately hit it off. They were both further along in life than I was, which didn’t really mean anything to me at the time.

Later though, it meant that this friend rented his own house in the small city within walking distance of the college, and one of the perks of being friends of such a nice guy who was also an introvert (and an old soul) was that he let me come over whenever I was having a spiritual or existential crisis. So we got church, the Deaf community, candles at his place (which I found bring me so much comfort), and now to the tea.

He introduced me to loose leaf tea. If you don’t know what it is, it’s just a bunch of ingredients, except instead of in a tea bag, they use what’s called a tea infuser, basically a filter, to steep your tea for a specific steep time in a specific water temperature to make the best tea possible. He gave me a white tea with a hint of honey so as not to ruin the flavor, and I fell in love with tea. He would make me a cup most of the times I came over if there was time, and there were so many flavors, so much to love! But then he moved away due to personal situations (and like I said, the college was super expensive, and without the right scholarships, you had to be rich or pay off loans until you were dead and after). We kept in touch.

I was going to visit him when I went to plan a Missouri trip from Pittsburgh, but by then I was “fully gay”, and that meant that he prayed about it and followed what the scripture said. He “confronted me about my sins.” That didn’t work. So he gathered church friends and did the same thing. That didn’t work. So he cut me off. He said he didn’t feel comfortable having a friend living so comfortably in sin. I chose not to point out his sins, which he confessed to every Sunday yet still did every week. Because that’s alright in the church, as long as you’re “sorry”.

All this to say I bought tea bags because I bought all the gadgets and loose-leaf tea myself and couldn’t make a good cuppa like he could. A couple days ago, I was decluttering some of our shelves and noticed all the tea we still had, so I’ve made us quite a few good cups of tea, filled with love. And yes, they may not be as fancy as Teavana (which went under thanks to Starbucks) or other loose-leaf tea places, but I can still enjoy a calming sense of peace with a hot drink and no longer be triggered by my old friend.

That’s what took me several days. I had to move to a place from being hurt to doing it in love, and I did it from love from the very beginning. I just don’t want to settle for the 100 bags you can get for $2 or less. I want my cups to be filled with joy, and I want people to fall in love with tea in America again, because it seems like coffee has become an on-the-go beverage for most people, but tea still has a sense of sitting down and enjoying it for five or ten minutes. And that’s what it takes to enjoy life.

Do you have five or ten minutes to enjoy life today?