Functional Neurological Disorder Part 2

Essential Tremors, Dystonia, and FND

So I’ve been getting Botox every three months since 2021. 2024 was its own hell at work. I had ten minutes of “extra time” at work, so they decided to give me a two hour responsibility “as a backup” in case the person was gone. If the person was gone, obviously some of my work wouldn’t get done as long as she was gone. She retired at the end of February. It was just assumed that since I was her backup, that I would take that responsibility. I remember laughing in the face of the boss who told me that. They didn’t see what was so funny about expecting someone with a full plate to magically have two extra hours each day to do work.

So my work piled up. August came, and a coworker with mysterious health conditions who was still trying to get diagnosed died. A five-minute meeting later, and all of us were expected to get back to work. A week later, I was called into a meeting with an HR representative and given a written warning. These things were behind schedule, and I needed to catch up on them. Or else.

Wait…what…really????

Long story short, I worked for months trying to do everything I could and extra to do what they wanted, and it still wasn’t good enough. I broke my health with that job. I got so stressed that I developed tremors at work. Shortly thereafter, I started having mental meltdowns at work. Every phone call required a short recovery period after. I started having trouble with scissors and writing my initials. All this I kept from my bosses. I didn’t need another reason for them to say I was faking.

I hope everyone is familiar with the pain scale, where you rate your pain on a scale of one to ten, one being the least pain and ten being the worst pain imaginable. I always keep ten as pregnancy. There is no way I can imagine what that would be. But the Tuesday after Columbus Day, I woke up with a 7 or 8/10. I dragged myself to work, but only made it until 11am before I called it quits. I was bedridden until Wednesday. I still wasn’t better, but I was maybe a 6? I made it until 2pm and couldn’t make it until 4:30. I called it quits. That lunch period I called the old number of the Partial Hospitalization Program nurse’s phone, and someone new picked up. I described my situation crying, and asked if they could help me. They said the doctor in charge of the program was in a meeting, but they would see what they could do. I was bedridden Friday. Monday I started PHP. I was diagnosed with essential tremors, dystonia, and later with FND. They treated me seriously once I was diagnosed with dystonia. But once I got the FND diagnosis, they sent me to my psychiatrist with a referral to physical therapy and said “he needs more Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.” That’s what the Pain Management Specialist said. I need more therapy. You got chronic pain that is usually manageable but sometimes leaves you bedridden? You just need therapy!

Meanwhile, I am on the max muscle relaxers and Tylenol you can take per day plus a lot of other medications, and I still can only stand about ten or fifteen minutes at a time. I can only sit for about two hours at a time. I’m looking for a part-time job that can accommodate me. I’m trying to look on the bright side. Oh, and I can no longer run more than fifty yards or my legs decide they don’t want to be legs anymore and decide to stop working. Did that once. Fell on my face. 

Don’t run after a bus, kids!