Fear of the Unknown

Who Am I?


It’s amazing how much of us think we own stuff when a lot of times it goes the other way around. I know I’m talking about material possessions a lot, but I’ve been thinking about it for hours and hours each day. Today I was moving bathroom materials around, and I told myself it didn’t matter how many times I moved it around, I still wanted to keep these things, whether it was in a shoebox or in this shelf in the actual bathroom or outside the bathroom in the storage cubby. Marie Kondo and professional organization shows make it look so easy, like 1, 2, 3, everything is in its correct spot, but that is so often not the case. 

I watched a professional organizer say that they first pick out the zones that are being done first, then the storage amounts needed for each. These shows can usually buy walls of shelves and clear plastic bins or labels with everything in them. I was working with six fabric bins and several shoeboxes to move things around as well as the packaging everything was in once I had the storage emptied (mostly cardboard boxes because I left the huge plastic totes for other projects yet to be decided). All this I did while starting with two hours of energy, maybe even less, per day.

My husband keeps telling me not to overdo it, but I keep working step by step from one thing to the next, and hours slip by and my back hurts before I know it. But it is so rewarding to see the house little by little coming together with less anxiety and more peace. I’m exhausted each day, but it has given my life purpose while I wait for my employment agency to contact me back to help me with the job search. I need a job as soon as I can, but it has been so nice for my energy to be mine again. Instead of all my energy going to work and sleeping from seven to six, I’ve started sleeping less and feeling more energized. It hasn’t become about the stuff anymore. I got to paper and memories, and it wasn’t about “this paper needs thrown away because it’s useless” though that was part of it. Most of it was “this no longer serves my life at this time.” Books and DVDs were the same way. Hobbies too, feel like a different person started and ended them a while ago for most things. There are still several things like writing letters of encouragement to friends and reading good books that I would like to start again. New hobbies like making new concoctions of juices and grenadine, teas, etc. and burning candles while meditating and taking moments for myself to reflect on where life is going and where I would like life to go I now have space for!

Life doesn’t have to end once it changes. I know it feels that way. Change terrifies me to the core of who I am, but I am learning to lean into the discomfort and finding opportunities in it instead of letting the fear block who I am. There is so much that awaits you beyond the fear!

What are you afraid of, and what’s stopping you from taking the next step?

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