A White and Blue Striped Polo and a Blue Polo with White Dots

Finding Contentedness in a House Full of Clutter


I think I want to clean up my life. I want to buy fabric bins and label everything, and everything that doesn’t belong in a bin, toss. I’ve been doing that with most of the house. Clothing that doesn’t fit? Put into bags. Which bags? That’s complicated by the day. See, I want to do something good with them, but I also need to make money, but I don’t want to put in the effort to sell it on Marketplace or Amazon or any of those places. I also don’t want them to go to homophobic Salvation Army. I wouldn’t mind it going to Goodwill, but that’s a last resort. I want them to go to a place nobody thinks of like CYF or someplace teenagers or adults trying to find jobs would use them instead of them just being sold for $5, not that it’s necessarily a bad thing! It’s just the social worker in me coming out.

Then there’s the change. We have to declutter the change, but then that takes a teller’s time to count all the change and us knowing how much change, and us going to a bank to change my name on my account WITH my husband because he has to be there, so we have to make an appointment, so it’s all so complicated. Anyways, it’s just too much of a headache. So I’m waiting to schedule the appointment to change my name so I can get a new card so I can get a PIN so I can access the account so I can make a deposit so I can get that out of the way.

Then there are the K cups. They expired long ago, so I don’t feel comfortable giving them to someone to use, but I don’t feel environmentally comfortable throwing the whole thing away, so I have to take apart each one individually, foil lid, inside coffee/cappuccino/hot chocolate inside, plastic cup, possible paper lining, then do with each part individually as I please: trash, recycle, lay on the ground to fertilize and compost. I have yet to finish the coffee. There are over 75 of those K cups we have, because I was stupid.

I still have yet to sort through the kitchen. It’s at a bearable place for now, but I need it to be in an even better place. There is a drink station, but the cups and the glasses and the tea and the beer are all in different places. Plus I want a tiny teapot to make tea with! We have a Nespresso to make a cup of coffee, but we don’t have anything to heat up just a cup’s worth of water. Yes, I know. Just microwave a cup of water. But if you saw the state of our microwave…. It works, and we have a spare in case it doesn’t work. So we aren’t complaining, and thank God we have an extra microwave, an extra toaster, an extra panini maker (I think it’s a panini maker). So we are blessed. I don’t want to say we aren’t blessed! We have been EXTREMELY fortunate with the house and everything that came with it and the stuff we already had. I just wish we had places to put everything…In neat, fabric, bins that looked like an HGTV special.

I love our house. These are my thoughts at 1am because I can’t go to bed. I am trying to learn to be content. And part of the reason I can’t be content is because I know I must part with some of my sized medium shirts which are still in perfect condition that I love that are perfect for me but are two or three inches two short. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself this morning. I know it goes much deeper than that. At least I have my new blue and white pajama pants to keep me company while I mourn the loss of some things I would rather keep.

That’s it. I’m mourning the loss of some things I would rather keep. And it’s much more than the blue and white striped polo and the blue polo with white dots.

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