A Beautiful Snow Day

Rest


This will be short but might take me a while to write. I am burned out trying to make myself productive. I still tie my productivity to my worth, and I don’t know how to stop it. I’m going to bring it up yet again to my therapist tomorrow. It is this constant cycle of everything that I do for fun eventually turns into an expectation, and once that happens, pressure builds until it turns into something I hate. So every hobby turns into something I hate. I don’t hate blogging. I think I just need a day or two to rest. I have been writing letters to my family since the beginning of December, and then I started writing this blog, at least one post a day, sometimes three or four posts, and I love doing it, but I don’t know how to stop.

I told my husband that I’m over my past, and then the past two nights, I’ve woken up multiple times to my breathing being highly erratic and strangled thinking about the job I left. I’ve fooled myself. I have put most of my past behind me, but have just blocked out the more recent past. I don’t know if I want to nor can talk about it on my blog. But it’s there.

I’m sorry. I’m not sorry for taking a rest. I apologize for the sorrowful coloration of this post. I am still working on my affirmation for the year. I should be getting help with it today, and I have been getting help with it from some friends recently. I want to make resolutions, and it doesn’t have to start January 1. Change can start any time! 

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