Kindness and Gentleness

Words of Meditation

I wanted to cry last night during my meditation. And it’s weird. I’ve been doing this same meditation for several weeks now. The first few days were easier to focus on the words and the relaxing and the clearing of the mind. It actually happened that I got so relaxed that my body sensed “RELAXATION! OH NO! CUE FLASHBACK!” which it did, but it was in slow motion, and I was in charge…kind of. I had limited frames to work with but I could zoom in and out and pan right and left and see some of my car accident. I will explain my car accident in a different post coming up.

Anyways, since that happened, my body is determined to never get that relaxed again, so it will do everything it can to throw thoughts, tiny spasms, whatever it can my way to distract me from being purely relaxed. It’s gotten so frustrating!

So anyways, about last night, I’ve been ruminating on being kind to myself. I know I need to show compassion to myself because my inner critic is a big one and my parents weren’t the parents who showed me how to healthily control myself, so I am doing a bunch of inner work, which is amazing and great, but it all leads to feeling down on myself because I’ve messed up so much in my life because I never had the proper tools to do life right. Got it? Good.

So Kindness, Gentleness, Smoothness, Grounding, and Centerdness with your Well Being all came up as solid slam-in-your-face kind of topics to dwell on. Not only kindness but a gentle kindness. I’ve been so used to being rough with myself that I’ve tried being a rough kind to myself, and I need to be gentle with my inner child. It doesn’t do well to hit my inner critic with a two by four of affirmations, though to some that’s probably what they need. I feel like I need a radical difference if I’m going to train my body and mind to be any different. And then the question becomes “should I be different?” I don’t know yet, but roughness has gotten me nowhere but hurt bodies, then hurt feelings of other people, then my own hurt feelings. So something has to change.

I’ve had enough traumas like water that I should have let them smooth over the rough edges, and in some ways I can be proud that I have. I have smoothed over some edges too much while leaving some too jagged. It’s all about balance. And grounding and centeredness with your well-being. I almost didn’t put these two on because how do you explain them? Every time I think of grounding I think of Avatar Earth bending. But spend any time in nature and you not only see how small you are, you feel connected to the world at large. There is an anchoring that connects you with the earth deep and wide and with yourself deep and wide, and you must not forget that you are a physical force like any other. You must take care of yourself or wither away. I keep going back to the balance of the body, the chakras, the body, mind, spirit, soul, whichever way you want to split up the forces of the physical and spiritual aspects of this being we call the self. There must be value in what people have been believing for hundreds if not thousands of years or else it would have dissipated by now. I myself have only tried a handful of yoga positions and massage teachings, and everyone has helped in some way. If it hadn’t have helped, they wouldn’t have kept doing it, would they have? All that to say, balance the body, balance the mind. Relax the body, relax the mind, relax the spirit.