Empathy

"Insightful"

People have called me insightful.

Sorry.

People in my last Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) including group members and facilitators have called me insightful.

But the truth is, I think I have been over-actively studying people all my life, and for most of my like I have been in a terrified, adrenaline-filled state worrying I would do or say the wrong thing to set someone off. I think I seriously never understood people because people were never to be understood.

Most of what I have come to understand about people has been because something went wrong in my life and I understood how people were “supposed” to react. I gained empathy by watching other people’s reactions to life’s many tragedies, mostly because they happened to me. My husband can still tell you that I am terrible at comforting him, because I am scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. I am getting better at that, but I didn’t have a strong role model growing up about how a husband should support a husband when things got tough. Or a spouse supporting a spouse.

I have mental health diagnoses of Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety, Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as well as dystonia and Functional Neurological Disorder, but that is part psychological, part physical. My mother had depression and as far as I know only got treatment when she attempted suicide. There is so much that runs in my family that I cannot begin to diagnose it nor would I try since I am not licensed in social work, psychology, or any other mental health field. I did get my Bachelor’s in Social Work in Missouri, so I have a very vague notion of things they talk about and have been a patient myself long enough to know a lot of terminology.

One thing nobody seems to tell you that didn’t sink in for me is to be your own advocate! What that means is to write down any questions you might have before, during, and after the appointment. Ask as many questions and write as many answers as you can, or bring along someone who can. It’s tough to do both at once. I know! I always feel like I am scrambling. My provider gives me an after-appointment summary, but it never seems to have all the information I need, but it does have the important information: new referrals, new medications, new appointment dates. Learn how your medications might affect you. Ask your doctors or your pharmacists questions about medications. Pharmacists know more than I gave them credit for. I just had to have the bravery to speak to one and say yes, I do have questions for the pharmacist, because they just blow by that question every single time.

Anyways, I think empathy is something that can grow as long as a person is willing to open up their mind and allow new thoughts to grow and change them. The key is seeing a different viewpoint and instead of immediately dismissing it like a lot of people tend to do, think about it for a minute, and ask “what if this were true”? Maybe that viewpoint or belief doesn’t have to be true, but how would YOU act if you believed it to be true?