Drunk Uncle Boundaries Part 3

Yeah, But Is It Nice?

I am sorry. I have used this platform in an irresponsible way and must apologize. All of what I said in my last post was true, but one thing that was taught in Partial Hospitalization when asking for honesty is posing the question is it nice, and it was not nice. Now, will I ever apologize for trying to defend a minority even if some of my information is off or needs tweaked? I will never stoop down and make sure to sugar-coat to people who have no empathy towards those who spew nonsense towards a minority and call it “facts.”

But these weren’t people like that. These were people who thought they were getting the truth and weren’t. They were getting more questions, more “one-way assumptions” and instead of researching it themselves, they thought they had all the information. They trusted what was being told to them. And it pissed me off. 

Several things pissed me off. Not only can we apparently not trust the “news” to handle facts anymore and give us complete answers without posing questions and then never answering them or just raising their eyebrows that barely move full of Botox. Oh, yeah, and I’ve had Botox for medical reasons. It hurts like hell, and even with insurance paying for most of it, Botox and all of its cousins are bloody expensive! How much are they getting paid that paying for tailored designer suits and Botox mean nothing to them while they pose questions and yell at each other to the general public, AND WE LET THEM. 

Also, and this is what infuriates me the most, and it’s something that affects me too. I grew up in WASP Missouri. Any minority was a sight to behold, and we had our bigoted ways. Sure, we were polite. But we never knew any different than our WASP ways because we had never met anyone other than a WASP before! The gay person we exorcised was the first lesbian I had ever seen before then, and it wasn’t like I even knew what kind of questions to ask a gay person outside of sex, and sexual orientation colors your entire world! But I had never met one! And nobody was around to push me to anywhere that had one!

I remember one of the first times I thought a Catholic might not go to hell. You’re laughing, but I’m serious. All my friends went to the same church I did, went to the same school I did or nearby schools, and even though I was “friends” with other kids, we weren’t that close; I mean, how could we be? They would end up in hell, and I was going to heaven unless I “preached the gospel to them” which in those days started with giving them a track and inviting them to OUR church. Our church was the only church that wasn’t going to hell. We were raised that Catholics prayed to Mary and other saints and not to Jesus himself, and that they didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus, so that’s why they would burn in hell. So I asked one of my best friends who was a Catholic, and he explained that it was more like asking Mary to pray to Jesus on his behalf. That blew my mind! Imagine not only taking time out of your day to talk directly to Jesus, but asking hundreds of saints and Mary to pray to Jesus for you too!!! BONUSSSSS!!!!!

I didn’t convert to Catholicism, of course. But that was the first time talking to someone shifted my mindset. And I remember that time very clearly. Something clicked in me, and I saw from his perspective, and it wasn’t “he was wrong because that was a stupid idea” like we were raised to think but “huh, that’s actually kind of brilliant. I had never thought about it that way before.” From then on, I thought I always had something to learn from other people. There have been times when I have lost that core value and it’s been muddled up by the need to White Horse them or Psychoanalyze them, but my core value has always been to Understand them.

Two things I’ve recently been trying to understand, boundaries and narcissists. You can see where this is going. Narcissists are people that I can’t stand. You know why? According to the Facebook reels I watched from several doctors and therapists and psychiatrists, they don’t have empathy, they tend to abuse other people in different ways, and they don’t change. They know how to manipulate people to make it seem like they are remorseful, but it’s all just an act. I highly believe my dad is a narcissist. I WANT these people to change. But he has given me loads of reasons to believe he cannot. I went on the narcissist in-law hunt this holiday season and didn’t like what I found. But again, nothing is going to change. So now I’m switching gears. I’ve learned how to set boundaries with one by getting him out of my life. But how do I interact with one? Anyway, I will learn more and get back to you on that!

But again, my main beef is don’t get your beliefs about a group of people from the news until you talk to one or preferably several of them! They know more about themselves then some white man with Botox and a flashy plaid suit jacket!