A Community of Burnout

A Community of Burnout

 

It’s becoming a struggle to know which aspects of my life to write about. There are so many and so few things going on that it seems like such a blur before the next day hits. I’m meeting new people every day and honestly mostly hitting it off with people from my generation. I don’t know if the generation after me thinks they hold too much wisdom or are too far ahead in their careers to help someone just starting out in theirs.

Either way, the online community that I’m a part of is quickly becoming a lifeline for me. We are all going through some of the same core struggles. The Zoom meetings are filled with heart emojis, Amens, and resounding affirmations of struggles and proud wins, no matter how big or small. We’ve been there. We know that.

One thing we all know is the toll of burnout. It’s the place where we think we hit rock bottom and then our mind and body drop us a whole new level downwards. Regular burnout is the worst! It leaves people with energy having no energy whatsoever. Naps aren’t enough. You have to find some way to cope with being tired all the time, and it is tired beyond the “normal” level of tired that adults experience. It’s a lack of motivation to get things done. Gone is the spark of joy at things that used to bring you happiness. You’re just… done with things. You get sick and tired of being sick and tired. And that is your life.

Being autistic is kind of like being on a roller coaster, and not in a fun way. Sure there is autistic joy and passion, which seems to be SO much more fun and positive than allistic people’s choice of it. But that also means our lows are extra down low low low low low low low low. People probably say our unmasked selves (and even our internal masked selves) have intense mood swings and personality shifts, but that’s just because we are more empathetic and feel things more deeply than the average person. We might miss the facial cues and body language that gives away what you’re feeling, but once we know “hey, this person is feeling x, y, z because a, b, c happened,” we are better able to intuit how that person might feel and take on that feeling and feel MORE OF THAT FEELING than that person. And it’s not just me saying that. I’ve heard it from at least a handful of other autistic people just from my short time in the community.

This leads to us understanding each other more, which I found to be absolutely amazing. I’ve been able to see the positives and negatives of people’s stories and not just the negatives. A large part of that has been due to my own work in trying to steer the conversation to what good has been happening, but people are more positive than you give them credit for!

Also a win I want to share: several friends have asked how I was doing and initiated conversation in the last week or so. I never thought it was possible to feel so valued by friends over such a little thing, but someone taking the time to start a conversation with you and basically say “hey, I was thinking of you” made me feel special.

Make a friend feel appreciated and valued. Ask them how they are doing.

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