Stepping Into What I Learned

Stepping Into What I Learned

 

I’ve been talking a lot about the Let Them theory by Mel Robbins. Basically, let them do whatever they want to do, and be in control of yourself, for you can only control yourself and your behaviors, not anyone else’s. I failed to do that today. And it wasn’t until venting about today that it really hit me that I let people pleasing and fear of others’ anger get the best of me.

Today I became an actual caseworker. Out of training and brand new caseload, I started with 17 alerts, which may not seem like many, but when each of them can take anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or longer, especially to a newbie like me, plus I had cases I was working on to wrap up, cases from my supervisor to start, etc… it was already overwhelming! I looked at the first alert, seemed pretty easy, but it was from over a month ago… uh oh! It snowballed into a mistake that was about to cost this client dearly, and it was my first day with this case!

Alert after alert, each one a different tone, but each one when researched boiled down to “this will be easy” or “this will make the client very angry.” I am new, so making people angry is something I am not good at, but I came into this field to help people, and the best way to help people is by following the rules so we can keep our grant funding and keep helping people. I thought people-pleasing would be an easy habit to break once I broke up with the idea that I liked people in general… but it turns out I still like helping people. I just can’t be around them wearing a mask face-to-face for long periods of time. I also feel like it’s time I let go of the notion of having “a bunch of friends,” even on Facebook.

But I digress. It’s not that I want to relish in making people angry. It’s that I want things done right so I can help them the best way that I can. I can’t help that we have things set up a certain way, but by golly, I’m going to help the best that I can! What bugs me is that minor things got to me. It wasn’t one major catastrophe like it normally is. It was just transition pains. I learned some things. I will be better tomorrow.

 

It’s tomorrow, and I’m still scared. What if I fail? I like my job. I’m just overwhelmed. I need to treat myself with grace and not expect myself to be the full caseworker everyone else is yet. It’s just so hard not to stand by everyone else and compare myself to them or try to catch up to them as much as possible.

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