Disabling Autism

Disabling Autism

 

Did you know that the phrase “give it 100%” doesn’t actually mean give it your all 100% of the time? It means give, like, 60-65% of the time with breaks and talking and stuff, still get work done, but don’t over-tire yourself out by giving your it your all at all times????

DID YOU KNOW THAT????

I didn’t.

I just found that out. Now imagine yourself burning the candle at both ends because you’ve been told all your life “you’ve got to give it your all” “give it 110%” etc. Can you imagine how exhausted you must feel??? No wonder the burnout rate and the difference of burnout of autism is different than that of neurotypicals! I mean… mind blown!

Sorry, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it and it has been a day or two.

That’s not the main highlight of this blog post though. I went through Deaf Studies and American Sign Language classes in college, and it taught me that Deaf culture is a culture, but technically hearing loss can be “a disability” and needs accommodations such as an interpreter, a video phone, etc. I kept viewing my autism as only a disability. I kept seeing all the things it was keeping me from. I tried to view it as a “neurotype” or whatever new fancy word they wanted us to label autism as because it wasn’t “a disability,” but, excuse my language, I thought of it solely as a handicap. I read it yet again this morning and rolled my eyes before it sunk in “autism is not a disability.” Say that to me when I can’t speak because I’m overwhelmed or can’t make a choice or can’t brush my teeth and nobody asks because I’m a “responsible adult” and should do these things on my own. Yeah, no. I’m not a fully functional adult, but it helps just to have someone around me. It provides that extra voice in my head of “did you do this” even if they didn’t say it aloud. I never tell them that though.

Gosh, I’m so embarrassed.

I will get better. For now, let me just be honest. I am splitting my time listening without my headphones, with my headphones with slight autistic calming music playing via a Spotify playlist, and my headphones on noise canceling with nothing going on, even with nothing in the background. I like baby animal pictures and videos, but only certain ones, and I can’t distinguish which ones I like v which ones I don’t like yet. I bought myself a new toothbrush and might buy two new books about autism, because when you’re trying to dive into something again or for the first time, you buy, buy, buy, but I’m buying small. I’m waiting until at least my first session with my autism therapist to see which apps or fidget toys to get that might actually work. They can rack up in price pretty quickly, and I don’t have a lot of money to just “try things.” One thing I might try is Sol Smith’s Neurospicy Community. It’s a monthly fee, which I don’t know how to feel about that, but maybe people who pay to be there will be a little more helpful? It also comes with one-on-one life coaching with him. I really don’t know how to feel about that! I’ve watched a lot of his videos, and I don’t know how to react to the possibility that I have ADHD on top of autism, though that is likely. It is kind of like having depression and anxiety… if you have autism, you might have ADHD.

Sorry, off topic. I don’t want this to define me. I don’t want this to disable me. I do want this to be a part of who I am so I can share experiences with people I meet and say “I’ve been in a similar circumstance. May I share it with you?” I want to take the “disability” out of “autism,” but I need help to do it. I want help, but I don’t know if I trust help from everybody. So please, reach out. Make your support known. I’d love to hear from you.

What is defining you that you don’t want to define you?

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