Skills

Skills

There have been so many things to write about and yet no energy to write that I have written nothing down. Hopefully this will help capture a snapshot of what I have been experiencing lately.

Everyone starts learning different skills from the time they are born, whether they are aware of it or not. If they don’t practice these skills, then the skills either get rusty or just fall into disrepair altogether. Take my learning of languages, for instance. I took a semester of French. It didn’t take long for me to forget “all” that I learned in that semester. I took years of Spanish. I still know some words, but the near fluency I once had is far gone since I haven’t used it in years. The same goes for American Sign Language. These were skills that I practiced and honed until I got better and better at them. Then one day, I just stopped using them. The reason why might be a different blog post.

For me, there are two types of skills: there are skills that are consciously learned through the use of textbooks, classes, teaching in person, etc; then there are the skills that are subconsciously learned through observation. These are mostly social skills, cultural etiquette, etc. You learn how to follow these rules more by accidentally breaking the rules and then being scorned by fellow people than by someone showing you “now this is how you do this” or “don’t do this.” It’s this second category of skills that I find very difficult to pick up on, especially social rules. 

To do this, I had created this alternate persona, this “outside Mark” if you will, to handle other people. It’s what’s commonly referred to in the autistic community as masking. Imagine a task that you can do but takes up about 25-50% of your brain power at any given moment. Now imagine doing that while having a conversation with someone. That’s kind of what it feels like to me to be masking. After a while, you get used to it, but it still drains you considerably after just a short while. Then you have to recharge before going at it again. Now imagine you “like” being around people, and you still have that to deal with. I learned that I’m one of the few who actually wants to make lots of friends, not just a small circle of friends. I thought I was just an introvert, but I guess I’m more of an autistic extrovert maybe?

I still like having just one on one conversations, hate loud noises and flashing lights and large crowds, still don’t know rules of large groups of people with turn taking and conversations, and still offend people who do and don’t know about autism with my bluntness, but I am genuinely curious about people! If it wasn’t for being autistic, I don’t know if I would be an introvert or an extrovert.

Anyways, back to skills. The true reason I brought this up is because I recently have been learning the difference between true rest and just sitting around on my phone or watching TV. I thought TV and phone time used to be relaxing, and sometimes it is, don’t get me wrong. But that is usually in the evoking of our emotions in a good way, to make us laugh, maybe to spook us (according to my husband who loves horror movies), or maybe occasionally make us cry. True rest comes in living in the moment with nothing to do and just breathing, even if it’s just for a few moments. I know it sounds like a waste to “do nothing” for a few moments, but that’s exactly what we need. We need to shut off and let our bodies, our brains, our hearts, everything, just catch up and breathe for a moment! Just try it. It won’t change your life on the first try, and it won’t change any of your problems. Everything will still be there, don’t worry. But pause. 

When was the last time you paused and lived in the moment?