Self-Care: Not Just Treating Yourself

Putting the Self Back in Self-Care


I need more self-care. I was doing a meditation, and all I could think about was other things. I berated myself thinking “you’ve been doing this for a while now. Breathe in through the abdomen, let the body relax itself. Let the mind clear." But the mind didn’t clear. I didn’t make space for myself. Perhaps I still had too many unprocessed thoughts still wandering around from sleep, but I couldn’t center myself. Even this post has been hijacked by worry instead of by positivity. Let me try again.

I am going to try to take care of myself better. My two aunts lovingly but without personal boundaries messed with my hair last night claiming it looked better swished to the side. They encouraged me to take just a little more time with myself, and I would be looking better than ever. I was too embarrassed to admit that if I had a few more minutes that I wanted to devote to myself, I would try to work on flossing more and shaving more. Basics. Not hairstyle. I don’t care how I look. That’s why I’m a writer and not on one of the many selfie-based programs. They did say I’ve come a long way since they met me, which I agree with!

Now for the easy part for me; encouraging you.

You deserve self-care. Remember, I have been in Partial Hospitalization, and it has been my goal for the week to take a shower every other day, so I know what it means to feel like you can do nothing! Showers sometimes hurt, so take the softest piece of cloth you own, put some water on it, and spread it around your body if you need to. Count that as your shower if you feel like you can do nothing. Hurray! You’ve done something, and you should be proud of yourself!

For those of you who scoff at what I just wrote, be happy you don’t understand, and pray you never, ever, ever, ever understand where a getting a piece of bread out of a loaf of bread seems like too much work to eat.

Anyways. Self-care. No matter your abilities, you are beautiful! You are capable! Your capabilities may differ, but that doesn’t mean your value differs. What you do with your capabilities matters though! I would nudge you if you’re thinking hour to hour, think of something fun of what you could do the next hour. If you’re in pain, survive. Self-care is taking a nap and meds. If you’re used to thinking of just today, I challenge you to think about the next weekend. What is one fun thing you could do? What is one fun thing you could get yourself on your next grocery trip? Maybe it’s splurging a dollar one time and getting that name brand creamer instead of the usual creamer you get. I don’t know your budget, but maybe that’s possible?

Self-care isn’t all about treating yourself though. It’s also about taking responsibility for your mistakes and learning to change yourself so bad patterns of behavior don’t happen again. I am learning that myself. I would be happy to share any information I have gathered so far, but therapists (oh no, the T word) have many more resources on breaking patterns. That’s usually their “thing”. I will say, therapy is self-care. It’s taking care of your mind. You take care of the rest of your body. Why would you neglect the organ you use so much? There is so much information beyond trauma and depression and PTSD and all those things. Just go for a check-up. See if you need anything. If not, don’t go again. They don’t rope you into some nonsense BS. Most of the ones I’ve met are just interested in people. They’ve met a lot of people, learned and seen a lot of patterns, and are bursting at the seams to share information they’ve learned to better your life if you want that. But they will do it slowly enough for you to process it and be able to make slow changes. That’s why people think therapists either suck or rock. If you’re stuck, sometimes all it needs is a major life change. If you were raised with issues that grew more complicated as an adult, it takes time to untangle all that mess. It’s not an easy fix. It’s why I’ve been in therapy so many years and why I can write this blog.

Take care of yourself!

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